Right now I feel like a failure because my father in law came, last minute and a week early, to help me. I am having mental health issues, and it's making survival difficult. I can't drive today. Surprisingly, it isn't because of my swollen eyelid. That's coming from something else. Not sure what. I am … Continue reading Failure
Tag: Bipolar
11 Years
Yesterday was my husband and I's eleven year wedding anniversary. We didn't have a babysitter booked, so we took our daughter out to lunch with us and then to go get ice cream. He got me a sweet, romantic gift that is being made as a gofund me. It will be ready in a couple … Continue reading 11 Years
ECT is Killing Me
I started ECT the Monday before yesterday. I have to get up and out the door by 430 am. It takes them about an hour to give everyone an IV, put the electrode things on them, etc. Then they go one by one and zap us. The machine makes a weird, fast beeping sound when … Continue reading ECT is Killing Me
Husband, ECT, Friend
My husband is home again for a few weeks. It's so good to have him back! This week, I should find out whether I have been accepted for ECT. It could go either way. My ekg was great, but my blood work wasn't. I don't know how my chest x ray went. Tomorrow is the … Continue reading Husband, ECT, Friend
ECT or TMS
I have a consultation next week for ECT. Yes, that ECT. Electroconvulsive therapy. I hate that it has come to this, but after the disaster in Panama I need to come to terms with the fact I'm not a functional person. So much of my living is impaired by mental illness. The reason I'm still … Continue reading ECT or TMS
Agoraphobia?
I'm back at home now after a terrible trip to Panama. I was on the phone with my health coach today, and she suggested that my experience sounded like agoraphobia. My reactions to cities and other busy places aren't normal. I feel worn out and defeated. The life of travel I dreamed of won't happen. … Continue reading Agoraphobia?
Panama Has Been a Nightmare
I have not done one single activity with the wives. Right now I am supposed to be going to the Presidential Palace to meet the First Lady. I long to go, but my anxiety is too high and my mood too unstable. I have been suicidal most of the trip. Now that the romantic portion … Continue reading Panama Has Been a Nightmare
Sometimes Things Don’t Work Out
I'm writing this from Casco Viejo in Panama. I am doing badly. Leaving the hotel room is a struggle. Twice I have had panic attacks in public. Mental illness is very real. This week my husband has work to do. Our romantic vacation ends tomorrow and we go to a different hotel in another part … Continue reading Sometimes Things Don’t Work Out
Sometimes I Fail
Some days are just hard. Bipolar Disorder takes no vacations. It's full time 365 days a year. Today I have not showered, let alone cleaned the house. I took Angelica to and from school and took care of the dogs. That was about all I could do. I want to be honest about that because … Continue reading Sometimes I Fail
Great Weekend
We had a wonderful weekend. My husband was home Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. On Friday, we drove across town to a coffee shop my husband loves. Then we got lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings. Saturday was the best day of the three. We went to a gorgeous historic plantation in a state park. I got … Continue reading Great Weekend
Life at Home 