I went to the GI doctor today. He thinks, based on imaging that was done on me when I was in the hospital, that there might be something wrong with my liver. I have to get an MRI soon. Hopefully it's nothing. I also have other problems they found, but I likely won't have surgery … Continue reading Dr Appointments, Diet, Mania
Tag: Bipolar
Cooking, Sewing, Art Journaling
I have made several new dishes over the past few weeks, and all of them have been a success with the family. I am so grateful they like my food. As I've written before, my husband loves to cook, and historically in our marriage he did the cooking. Now though, time has gone by, and … Continue reading Cooking, Sewing, Art Journaling
Failure
Right now I feel like a failure because my father in law came, last minute and a week early, to help me. I am having mental health issues, and it's making survival difficult. I can't drive today. Surprisingly, it isn't because of my swollen eyelid. That's coming from something else. Not sure what. I am … Continue reading Failure
11 Years
Yesterday was my husband and I's eleven year wedding anniversary. We didn't have a babysitter booked, so we took our daughter out to lunch with us and then to go get ice cream. He got me a sweet, romantic gift that is being made as a gofund me. It will be ready in a couple … Continue reading 11 Years
ECT is Killing Me
I started ECT the Monday before yesterday. I have to get up and out the door by 430 am. It takes them about an hour to give everyone an IV, put the electrode things on them, etc. Then they go one by one and zap us. The machine makes a weird, fast beeping sound when … Continue reading ECT is Killing Me
Husband, ECT, Friend
My husband is home again for a few weeks. It's so good to have him back! This week, I should find out whether I have been accepted for ECT. It could go either way. My ekg was great, but my blood work wasn't. I don't know how my chest x ray went. Tomorrow is the … Continue reading Husband, ECT, Friend
ECT or TMS
I have a consultation next week for ECT. Yes, that ECT. Electroconvulsive therapy. I hate that it has come to this, but after the disaster in Panama I need to come to terms with the fact I'm not a functional person. So much of my living is impaired by mental illness. The reason I'm still … Continue reading ECT or TMS
Agoraphobia?
I'm back at home now after a terrible trip to Panama. I was on the phone with my health coach today, and she suggested that my experience sounded like agoraphobia. My reactions to cities and other busy places aren't normal. I feel worn out and defeated. The life of travel I dreamed of won't happen. … Continue reading Agoraphobia?
Panama Has Been a Nightmare
I have not done one single activity with the wives. Right now I am supposed to be going to the Presidential Palace to meet the First Lady. I long to go, but my anxiety is too high and my mood too unstable. I have been suicidal most of the trip. Now that the romantic portion … Continue reading Panama Has Been a Nightmare
Sometimes Things Don’t Work Out
I'm writing this from Casco Viejo in Panama. I am doing badly. Leaving the hotel room is a struggle. Twice I have had panic attacks in public. Mental illness is very real. This week my husband has work to do. Our romantic vacation ends tomorrow and we go to a different hotel in another part … Continue reading Sometimes Things Don’t Work Out
Life at Home 