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I Have an Idea

May16

Maybe this has been done already, but pages of Googling have not turned up anything quite like what I’m thinking of. What if there was some sort of monastic group for Christian writers and artists? I mean an order you can join without leaving family responsibilities, like the Order of Saint Patrick. But this would be geared toward Christian creatives of all kinds who want to draw closer to God and join a community of other writers and artists who seek to create worshipful art.

We would have daily prayer and silent time over Zoom dedicated to lectio divina and other Bible study. There would be a weekly prayer meeting. And beyond that, there would be accountability and critique for your art making practice and encouragement and correction in your walk with Jesus.

As church laity living in the world (but hopefully not being of the world) we need to meet our responsibilities to our families, as our families are our first ministry. Hopefully some of the writers and artists who join will be mothers. We can encourage progress on creative ventures as well as reorganizing the junk drawer or folding the laundry. I want a life dedicated to God, my family, and my creations. I want to pray without ceasing. Longing for a community of like minded creative consumes me. Imagine a whole community of creators to bounce ideas off of and collaborate with. I want someone to hold me accountable to do my best for God, my family, and my creative calling. And I want to be that person someone else can lean on who will push them toward greatness.

I wonder how I could start such a thing and if there would be any interest. If you have any ideas or suggestions for starting something like that, or if you know of something already in existence, please let me know, dear Reader.

Submission and the wheelchair

Apr5

Quick thought. When I told my husband how safe I feel when he pushes me in my wheelchair, he said it makes sense because I submit. You have to submit when someone else is pushing your wheelchair. But following my husband’s lead and listening to him has in many ways become second nature to me.

I feel so grateful to have such a sweet husband. Exploring the aquarium and the museums has been pain free for me, and I got to see everything! He is so sweet to me, and I trust him with my life.

We are on our way home now. Almost there. I don’t feel ready for vacation to end. At least I have my husband home for the weekend, and the weekend will give me time to ease back into normal life and work. I don’t feel ready to do housework again! A week of pure fun really hit the spot though.

Moving, Angel, Vacation

Mar28

This week I found out we will be moving sooner than I expected. I will really miss this house by the ocean, our cute neighborhood, and my friend C. Moving is never easy. It’s especially hard on children. I know my daughter will miss all her friends here.

Yesterday there was an awards ceremony at her school. She got honor roll, but she also won the Christian character award for her class. I’m so proud of my angel. She tries really hard to be a good little person. She’s such a gift. My husband got to go to the ceremony.

I am thinking I may start photographing people again, particularly with my instax wide and instax mini. Side note. Instax is way better than Polaroid, and I will die on that hill! Anyways, I might ask in local mom groups if anybody would pose for me. And this might sound weird, but I love photographing indoor spaces sometimes, and beautiful homes would be nice to photograph. I do my best to get creative with photography in my own home, but a change of scenery would be nice.

I am now on Easter Break. My daughter is home from school, so I don’t have to do pick up and drop off. Beyond that, my days will pretty much be business as usual until we leave for vacation. Our vacation starts on Easter Sunday. My husband rented us a cottage, and we’re going to the theme park, the aquarium, an alligator rescue etc. I’m so excited just to get out of town for a week and experience new things. I’ve bought a ton of film for my instant cameras, and I can’t wait to photograph new things!

Submission is Beautiful

Mar20

So many people are against submission because feminism and rebelling against the Bible are so popular. Many women who find my Instagram assume I am dumb and abused.

When I first married my husband, submission was not a part of my life. My husband even told me he wanted to leave “obey” out of our otherwise traditional wedding vows. He did not want me to obey him.

The beauty of submission came to me in a flash from the Holy Spirit when God convicted me to wear a headcover. I had been married a few years at that point. My daughter was a toddler. God had highlighted the verses on wives submitting to their husbands and laid those verses on my heart. But I wrestled with them. Equality is everything right? I didn’t want to give up my will or concede any power. These verses made me angry at God. I didn’t understand how God could love women as much as men and yet tell us that our will must be subordinate to theirs.

In a flash, in my car at my inlaw’s house, the Holy Spirit showed me the beauty of submission. I wept. I sat in my car and wept. I felt safe, free, feminine. Everything made sense. Rapturous wonder filled my spirit. Submission, isn’t bondage. It is protection. The Bible does not instruct husbands to micromanage their wives. Submitting to your husband doesn’t mean giving up everything that you love to do and have. Presumably you married a man who loves you, so you shouldn’t worry about that. What submission meant was that for the first time in my life I could let go of worry. God was in control through my husband. The big decisions didn’t fall on my shoulders.

It fell awkward, but when I spoke to my husband that night, I told him about the conviction. I received from the Holy Spirit and brought up submission. My husband never pushed the issue, though he was receptive to being the head of the house. He just didn’t want to force me, and he grew up in a house with an egalitarian marriage, so that was what he was used to. But as he read the scriptures and I told him about headcovering and my conviction on submission from the Holy Spirit, he decided to try it. We are both happy with it and haven’t looked back since. I don’t think we will ever be egalitarian again.

The Job My Father Missed Out On – a Story About God and Waiting

Feb11

When I was in 5th grade, my father retired from the military. We lived in a small town I loved, and my friends were there who I wanted to go to middle school with. I was broken hearted about having to leave housing and move. Then my father was told about a job locally that he would be eligible for that he would be a shoe in for if he applied. My mother told him to apply. I begged him to apply. He said he would, but day after day, he did other things and didn’t get around to it until finally, the job was full, and he had no choice but to look to other states for work.

At the time I was crushed. I didn’t want to lose all my friends or the beautiful place that I lived. Then he got a job someplace I didn’t like, and I wasn’t happy about it. I remember driving down the road there for the first time and just saying to my parents, “Oh my gosh, it’s so ugly.”

So we spent the rest of my childhood in that state. Then I went to college in that state and came back home after college to look for a job. All those years I regretted getting stuck there and wished I could have been somewhere else.

Then … I met the most amazing man. He filled my heart with a joy I had never known. He brought me closer to God. He took care of me. He made me happy.

It took awhile, but when we got married I finally realized God’s purpose in what happened. I had thought God had nothing to do with it, and it was just my father’s laziness and procrastination. But if he had applied for that job and gotten it, I would have been living up there for high school and college. And I would have been there after college. And I probably never would have met my husband. Our daughter wouldn’t exist.

I didn’t know it, but God was working out everything to my good. I didn’t know my future daughter would only exist if we moved. I didn’t know where the love of my life was, and that my father letting a job slip through the cracks would allow me to meet him. I didn’t know, but God had a plan for my life, and I needed to move to fulfill that plan. It took 12 years, but I finally saw what God had planned all along.

Patience is so hard to cultivate and yet so important to have. Everything will happen in God’s timing and not a moment before. But God loves us and works things to our good. Sometimes, it takes many years to see His plan and the beauty of it, but eventually, you will.

This teaches me that I need to trust God more. There was a purpose for everything, and He is looking out for me. Are you one of His children? If so, He’s looking out for you too.

Radical, Sweet Softness

Jan27

I have decided to embrace a radical softness. I want to be serene, gentle, and sweet. No more harboring anger or getting stressed out or being impatient.

Obviously I don’t mean the feminist form of radical softness. I don’t believe in toxic masculinity for starters, and furthermore, this is all about femininity.

I want to express my emotions honestly. Crying sucks, and I cry a lot during sad movies. I’m tired of being ashamed of that and trying to hide it. I’m a woman. I cry easily. That shouldn’t bother anybody. I will let the tears flow.

I will not hold grudges. I’ve been working on this for a long time. It’s a difficult subject because the flesh wants to hold grudges, and I have had a lot of anger to deal with stemming from my childhood. But I am giving it all to God as best as I can, and the goal is to be free of anger completely.

Occasionally, I raise my voice. From now on, I don’t want to do that. I want to speak softly and walk through the world softly. The old quote is “walk softly and carry a big stick.” I will walk softly, and my husband can weild the big stick. No pun intended. I don’t mind civil debates, but I will not argue with people. Peace is so beautiful, and I want all the peace I can get. I also want to be my man’s peace. How can I be a source of peace for my husband if I am not peaceful and at peace myself? My soul gets restless, but now I want to bask only in contentment.

Patience is a virtue everyone should try to achieve, and I want to be as patient as possible. Whether I’m driving, dealing with the government, or working with my child, I want to personify patience.

My 2024 goal (the big, overarching one) is to embrace softness and femininity. The goal is to just be radically at peace. In the end, everything is in God’s hand anyway. It’s time to let go of stress and worry. It’s time to stop pretending to be made of steel when inside, I am a prairie of wildflowers. I want to be free. So I am going to embrace radical softness until my being is an embodiment of it.

2024 Goals

Jan1

1. Decorate my home in a more eclectic style. I want to be true to my own vision – like when I ordered a handmade, rainbow collection of jellyfish for my window.

2. Publish a book. I have an art book and a poetry book in the works. I am obsessed with collage, and I want to publish some of my stuff. My poems need a beta reader before I publish it.

3. Spend money wisely and save lots.

4. Get better at cooking and learn new dishes.

5. Veil daily and get a black veil to wear while painting.

6. Embrace my feminine spirit. I want to be serene and at peace.

7. Give more to charity and continue supporting animal rescues.

8. Obey my husband and God in all things.

9. Record memories for my old age and family records. I am going to take diary keeping, journaling, and scrapbooking seriously.

10. Read Scripture more.

Change Over The Years

Dec17

It’s weird to think about, but when my husband and I first married we were egalitarian. I submitted to no one. My husband and I were equal in all decisions. I cleaned, but I didn’t do any cooking. I was immodest. I was obsessed with college and longed to go to grad school like I planned to before I met my husband.

Things have changed. The Holy Spirit brought me to headcovering, which brought me to verses on submission. It was through studying these verses that I came to realize I could be a better wife by being more supportive and obeying. Submission actually started as my idea. Sometimes people assume it is something my husband forced on me or brainwashed me into. But in actuality, he was totally egalitarian back then. I made decisions as much as he did. I brought the idea to him.

I couldn’t go to any of the fully funded grad programs I wanted to when I married him because I lost my geographic mobility, but he supported me at looking into online grad school. But I changed first. I saw the poison pouring out of our universities in America, and I didn’t want to spend my husband’s hard earned money financing paychecks for people who hate people like me. Why fund the lives of communist indoctrinators who want to destroy my way of life? I will never go to grad school now, and I’m happy with that decision. I have been for a long time. American universities are moral cesspools where free thought and civil liberties go to die.

I don’t make decisions without asking my husband now. I am calmer and more peaceful. I get more in touch with my femininity. I feel safer. It’s nice knowing that God and my husband are in control. My dreams now are all at home. I am at peace. I cook for my family. I am more modest. But this all came from the Holy Spirit and then I brought it to my husband. My husband has seen how well it has worked, and he likes it too.

Veiling

Dec12

Wearing veils every day has really been a phenomenal reminder to submit to my husband, read scripture more, and pray. I have several beautiful veils, and I plan to get more.

Even though headcovering in Christianity has nothing to do with modesty (which is why I don’t hide all my hair), it still helps me be more modest. My infinity veils cover low plunge necklines, which I like. They also make me less likely to be checked out by or approached by men. And they give me a chance to give my witness. People comment on my coverings and ask questions, and I get to tell them a little about Jesus and the Bible.

Sometimes it is uncomfortable to wear them in public simply because they set me apart from the crowd, and I like to be anonymous and unnoticed when I go out. But the chance to be a witness for Christ, the reminder to submit to God and my husband, and the beauty of my veils themselves are all enough to make it worth wearing one anyway.

Are you Christian? Do you headcover? Headcovering is not a salvation issue, but like everything else in the Bible, it is still important. Read 1 Corinthians. Do you feel convicted to cover? Some people believe that hair is the only covering a woman needs, but my interpretation of scripture and that of many theologians is that the hair is not enough. We are required to have a sign of authority on our heads. Life giving things, like the chalice and women, should be veiled.

3 veils in their lovely packaging
My favorite rosary. My rainbow rosary.
Jesus paid it all. All to Him I owe.
Rainbows from my crystal rosary
I want to show the crucifix, of course. The most important part.
I was so happy when this beautiful veil arrived.
Me wearing a mantilla at a restaurant. I wear more infinity veils than mantillas, but I still wear them and like them.

Be an Obedient Wife

Dec2

Obedience is the key ingredient of a good wife, along with a nurturing nature and sexual availability. Men are designed to protect and provide, but a man who is not respected at home will feel less of a drive to do those things. Think about it, if you spent all day working to provide for someone, and then they disrespected you, how would you feel? Disobedience is disrespect, as long as your husband isn’t asking you to sin.

A good husband deserves respect and admiration. It’s not easy being a man. Society needs and expects a lot more from men than it does women, at least in Western society. He has the constant pressure of providing and protecting. He has the pressure of difficult decisions.

I know for me, my husband takes really good care of me, and I want to make sure I do everything possible to make him happy.

In our society, we criticize men a lot. We degrade masculinity and then complain when men aren’t masculine. But when do we ever ask ourselves as women, am I the ideal woman? Am I the embodiment of femininity? Am I someone a man would want? Am I who my partner deserves?

A lot of girls these days, if they were to answer honestly, would have to say no to at least one if not all of the aforementioned questions. Let’s all look in the mirror and ask questions. Are you sweet? Gentle? As pretty as you can be (however your man defines pretty)? Are you a good cook (I know I’m working in that)? Do you keep a clean house? So many young feminists will say things like, “I don’t cook and I don’t clean.” Moments later they ask, “Where are all the good men?” I’ll tell you where they are. They are at home spoiling their wives who cook and clean. If you want a high value man, you have to offer things he values. Having interesting conversations is important, but a marriage is a partnership in the daily work of life. He doesn’t need your degree and employment. He can and should be supporting the family. He needs you to handle the home. Being unwilling to do that makes you poor wife material.