I went to the GI doctor today. He thinks, based on imaging that was done on me when I was in the hospital, that there might be something wrong with my liver. I have to get an MRI soon. Hopefully it's nothing. I also have other problems they found, but I likely won't have surgery … Continue reading Dr Appointments, Diet, Mania
Category: Bipolar
Failure
Right now I feel like a failure because my father in law came, last minute and a week early, to help me. I am having mental health issues, and it's making survival difficult. I can't drive today. Surprisingly, it isn't because of my swollen eyelid. That's coming from something else. Not sure what. I am … Continue reading Failure
ECT is Killing Me
I started ECT the Monday before yesterday. I have to get up and out the door by 430 am. It takes them about an hour to give everyone an IV, put the electrode things on them, etc. Then they go one by one and zap us. The machine makes a weird, fast beeping sound when … Continue reading ECT is Killing Me
ECT or TMS
I have a consultation next week for ECT. Yes, that ECT. Electroconvulsive therapy. I hate that it has come to this, but after the disaster in Panama I need to come to terms with the fact I'm not a functional person. So much of my living is impaired by mental illness. The reason I'm still … Continue reading ECT or TMS
Panama Has Been a Nightmare
I have not done one single activity with the wives. Right now I am supposed to be going to the Presidential Palace to meet the First Lady. I long to go, but my anxiety is too high and my mood too unstable. I have been suicidal most of the trip. Now that the romantic portion … Continue reading Panama Has Been a Nightmare
Sometimes Things Don’t Work Out
I'm writing this from Casco Viejo in Panama. I am doing badly. Leaving the hotel room is a struggle. Twice I have had panic attacks in public. Mental illness is very real. This week my husband has work to do. Our romantic vacation ends tomorrow and we go to a different hotel in another part … Continue reading Sometimes Things Don’t Work Out
Sometimes I Fail
Some days are just hard. Bipolar Disorder takes no vacations. It's full time 365 days a year. Today I have not showered, let alone cleaned the house. I took Angelica to and from school and took care of the dogs. That was about all I could do. I want to be honest about that because … Continue reading Sometimes I Fail
On My Own
My husband had been gone for a couple of days, and I have been on my own. Normally, my father in law comes to help, but since this is a short trip, I didn't want to ask him to come all the way down here. So, I have been toughing it out on my own. … Continue reading On My Own
Back to School, Mood Swings, Alaska
Today is my daughter's last day of Christmas break. I can't believe it's over. I feel like I didn't see her much because when we went to Georgia to visit, she stayed with her grandparents while I stayed at the hotel. Tomorrow morning I have to bring her back to school, and I am so … Continue reading Back to School, Mood Swings, Alaska
More Digital Art Journal Pages
I've been able to stabilize my mood through creating simple art. I'm enjoying it. The rich color raises my mood. Bipolar never gets easy, and it's important to use every avenue to stay stable. Pharmaceuticals are not enough.
Life at Home 