Envy 

Have you ever been at a dinner party for your husband’s job, and when someone asks what you do and you say homemaker, their eyes glaze over and they ignore you after? Or maybe your husband wins an award and you find yourself trying to remember the last time you were recognized for anything you’ve done. Maybe you were a good student and now you watch your husband earn degree after degree.

I used to be so envious of my husband. I too was a good student, but my degrees don’t pay the bills so they aren’t wise to pay for. Early in our marriage it hurt – so much so that I briefly attended an online grad school but dropped out, because I hated it and couldn’t justify spending the money. My dream had been to get an MFA in person and then a PhD. But I gave up those dreams.

Now though, I realize I’m free. I read what I want when I want. If I need feedback on my work, I can still get it from professional writers who offer that service. Yes, my husband has degrees I can’t afford to get. But he also has the responsibility of paying our bills on his shoulders and I wouldn’t want that.

Missing recognition is hard if you’re somebody who used to be competitive and you’re used to winning. But it is God’s recognition we should seek. He rewards what is done in secret. Maybe I will never receive world wide recognition for my poems. That’s ok. On my poetry blog, http://www.windchimesandstars.com/ I have found readers. At the end of the day, what I really want is not a publishing contract or a professorship. It’s to have my work read by people who enjoy it, and it is.

I have a time freedom my husband doesn’t, and time is the most precious resource on earth because you cannot bargain your way into more of it. Still, keeping your identity and having passions is important. So keep up with your friends, develop hobbies, start a home based business (not an MLM), create a custom curriculum and join an accountability group. Cooking dinner and taking care of laundry is important, but you can further enrich your life by adding things just for you.