Tuesday and Wednesday I volunteered at the dog shelter. A dog I fell in love with the first day was adopted the second day, which made me happy. I came home exhausted, strangely exhausted, but with the satisfaction of making living, loving little animals’ day better. Today I am running on little sleep and have been super busy. I made lunch and dinner, cleaned, ran laundry, disinfected, facetimed my mom, painted, and studied scripture. Last night I got a book on angels and book on demons to plug into my Logos Bible software. I’m eager to learn more, so I’ve been reading today.
I have not been posting to my trad wife Instagram and have made it private. I am not deleting it and may make it public once more. I’m just taking a break. My trad account is a sensitive spot. I write about a lot of controversial things, and also about a lot of things that are important to me, like faith and marriage. I feel….exposed sometimes. For someone who leads a very quiet life, my thoughts and opinions are all over social media. Running that account has enabled me to meet wonderful like minded people and make friends. But it has also exposed me to nastiness, criticism (fair and unfair), and vulgarity. Sometimes I just need a break.
Lately I haven’t been feeling like myself. Now that I have my car, I’m trying to build a life on the island. I’m enjoying that, but a long standing mid grade depression sapped the life out of me, and now I’m left trying to find myself again. Today I’ve made progress. I began tie dying as an art form, connected with my mom, and even took care of myself. I think I just need time and better medicine. Anxiety has been high too. Altogether this leaves me feeling like a shadow of myself. I loathe that sensation….the sensation that I can’t access my own personality or feelings of happiness. I’ve been pulling away from all my friends. That’s not a good thing. Starting now I need to reconnect.
Tonight I will watch Prehistoric Planet and study angels. Dinner is done. I may take photos of the dogs. I just want to unwind and reconnect with what makes me me, what Bipolar Disorder tries to rob me of.
Life at Home 