Moving across the world is stressful. Missing my daughter, if only until August, is stressful. So is not having a car and so many other things right now. The stress has gotten to me. My husband does his best to keep stress off me, but it’s impossible to move across the world and not feel stressed or to have a mood disorder and not feel stressed by the side effects. Long story short, I spoke ungently today. My voice was too loud and demanding. I did not nag, but I wasn’t my best, gentle self. So I apologized and resolved to do better.
Femininity and gentleness must be continually cultivated. It is possible to slip. None of us are perfect. For those who think this is oppressive, if you love your husband, you want to be attractive to him. Most men find gentle, feminine women attractive. I want my husband to be attracted to me, so I strive to embrace femininity. Furthermore, I want to treat my husband the way he wants to be treated. He likes warmth and gentleness. So I strive to always give that to him.
I realized I was trying to feel a sense of control. That’s the source of my stress. I want to be in charge. But that’s my sin nature speaking. I have a lot of needs right now (like trying to get a doctor appointment here when my car has still not arrived and C and I have to share) and I feel concerned they aren’t going to be met. I’m also strangely lonely all week. I have no friends here yet, and in this time zone my family and friends in other places are often not available to talk when I am. And of course, A isn’t here. Putting the two together, when C is at work during the week I am a bit isolated.
So how do I access my gentler side again? Part of it will be praying. Part will be studying scripture. The more you absorb the Word, the easier it is to live it out. But also, I need to practice self care. I’m not sleeping great at night. I probably need to nap. I have hardly used my physical art materials this week because I don’t feel settled into this house, but I miss working with my hands and even getting messy. Journaling is helpful for managing emotions, so I need to do that more. I used to be a constant diary keeper. And I need to continue reading the books I just got. I’m in a new place and I need to develop a routine. It will be easier when our stuff gets here and I have all my old cleaning jobs to do. This week I will have cooking and laundry. I need to do some beauty pampering too. C bought me some nice face masks. I look forward to hydrating.
All that to say, my approach is many faceted. I write about femininity, submission, and traditional gender roles a lot, but I’m not perfect. My husband corrected me. So I need to improve and be the best wife and disciple I can be. But like many women, I have to acknowledge that if I’m having difficulty existing in a feminine, submitted, quiet headspace, I probably have unmet needs. One of those needs might be self discipline, but there are usually other emotional factors at play. If you’re having a hard time embracing your femininity today and remaining gentle and with a submissive heart, see if you have unmet needs. Some may be things you could bring to your husband and ask for help with. Others may be needs you can meet yourself through thoughtful planning and diligence. But ask yourself what you need to feel secure and whole.
Life at Home 