I have a consultation next week for ECT. Yes, that ECT. Electroconvulsive therapy. I hate that it has come to this, but after the disaster in Panama I need to come to terms with the fact I’m not a functional person. So much of my living is impaired by mental illness.
The reason I’m still on the fence is the memory loss. I am so afraid of losing important memories I currently have, or hindering my ability to produce new ones. I would prefer TMS (which is magnetic), but have been rejected for it on the grounds that it hasn’t been proven safe and effective with true Bipolar patients (ie ones with mania and hypomania). The doctor is going to review the literature we sent her on the subject and think about it, but most likely I have been ruled out.
I can use journaling, my digital diary, and my blogs to help store memories, but I want to have the contents of my mind. Who are you without your memories? If I start ECT, I will have to become religious with writing things down.
Life at Home 