I have been exploring Catholicism for awhile now. I collect rosaries, and some Catholic teachings really appeal to me, so it makes sense to explore. One I get caught up on though, is the Catholic requirement to be “open to life” – to not use any form of contraception, and be willing to have more children.
To be blunt, I don’t want more children. Ever. I’m happy with the wonderful one I have, and I have zero interest in having another. If I got pregnant again, I’d cry – and not tears of joy.
Furthermore, with my struggles with Bipolar, pregnancy is a nightmare I don’t want to repeat. It was hellishly hard, absolutely miserable, and I almost didn’t make it. The pregnancy permanently altered my brain, and made my bipolar worse. I can’t imagine getting worse once more.
Why does the Church not care about the mental and physical health of women? Why do they want children to be born into the world unwanted? I would never have an abortion, but I see nothing wrong with preventing the baby in the first place. The only Catholic answer I have found is to be celibate, but my husband did not marry me to live with frigidity the rest of his life. What kind of marriage is it if you can’t make love? And since my husband has no interest in Catholicism, he would never believe in celibacy.
I cannot make myself want more children. My daughter is already 9 years old. The age gap would be insane. I have already done the baby stage and the toddler stage (and enjoyed them), but I’ve finished with that. Now I relish my sleep and my free time.
I don’t think I can become Catholic without accepting all the teachings. My understanding is that it’s all or nothing. Correct me if that isn’t true. But I will never stop using contraception, and praying it works. We don’t all want to be mothers of 10 children. I respect and admire women who can manage multiple children, and feel called to do so. Big families are beautiful, and being able to mother one is a gift.
But we aren’t all called to that kind of motherhood. I don’t have the organizational skills for more children. I am frequently exhausted by the medication I’m on, and have to sleep a lot. Getting up with a baby would be awful. And truthfully, kids other than my own annoy me. I enjoy the closeness I have with my daughter, and don’t want to divide my time and attention among more children.
Does the church expect me to keep having kids I don’t want at the expense of the mental health I need to take care of them? If anyone is reading this and has any thoughts, please chime in.
Life at Home 
I’m not going to lie, I don’t like you and your ideas much. I’m also a former Catholic and don’t like THEM much. I read blogs like this out of curiosity. I think some of your views are a shame, because we could potentially get along really well- I have bipolar disorder, I love to take care of my husband and home, I love to be creative…. I’m just an atheist.
That being said, the thing to understand about the Catholic Church is that it’s all about bureaucracy. To get something “officially” recognized by the Catholic Church, it has to go through so many layers of old unmarried men who have no idea of the issues women like you face. HOWEVER…. Look at the current pope. He has been very open about things like- and you won’t like this example- gay men should use contraception to protect themselves. I think if you sat down with the head of the Roman Catholic Church, he’d say you absolutely should not have more children if doing so would present an undue hardship to the family you already have.
If you’re really interested in Catholicism, not that I recommend it, find an understanding priest to talk to. “Natural family planning”- not having sex when you’re ovulating- has been accepted. I wouldn’t be surprised if a decently modern priest was able to reassure you about that- even if the mainstream church in Rome hasn’t officially updated their ruling. But that’s the choice: Catholicism says that the pope is infallible. This pope has what they consider controversial ideas but has said contraception is sometimes acceptable. Do you go with the supposedly infallible head of religion or the layers of people below him?
Hi BK.
Thank you for your honest thoughts regarding the blog and the Catholic Church. I don’t trust natural family planning. Every woman I’ve known who has done it had at least one accidental child. That terrifies me. But if you think the Church would be more understanding, maybe I haven’t given it an entirely fair shake. That said, I’m not wild about church bureaucracy run amok.
You sound like a nice, interesting person. I’m sorry you suffer with Bipolar as well. I like meeting fellow homemakers, and I’d love to see your creative work if you ever wanted to share it with me. I’m sorry you do not like me. Maybe if you got to know me you would. I have had many atheist friends. I have friends who don’t share my beliefs. I have career women friends, atheists, people of other religions etc. This blog talks about my beliefs and how I think life should be lived, but I don’t seek to force it on anyone. Just persuade. Plus, I’m also talking to people who share my beliefs. All that to say, it does sound like we have a lot in common. If you change your mind, drop me a line. We don’t have to agree on feminism and religion to be friends. We share a lot of life experience. I don’t assume I would dislike you.
I think my main reason for thinking we wouldn’t get along is some of your views that seem just intolerant to me. Specifically, on LGBT issues. I’m not straight, one of my best friends is a trans woman, and I’m not going to be able to have really good feelings about someone with views like yours about her. Or abortion- while I can’t say I’m in favor of it at all stages, it seems like you just have a lack of empathy for the circumstances that can lead to it. [The post that makes me say this is the one on Instagram about “other women are not my sisters”] I think you’re trying to be a good person but these fundamental differences make me think we might not get along.
Oh, and I’m not a homemaker. My husband doesn’t make enough. I manage a restaurant and we are child free by choice. I still enjoy when I can take the time to take care of my husband and environment, but I have too much to do to stay home!
Thanks for your kind reply 🩷 It definitely sounds like we have some different views and may have some disagreements. I’m ok with that, but I can understand why you might not be – given how close to home some of these divisive topics are. I would never want to hurt you or your friend’s feelings, but the trans issue might be a dividing line. Still, you sound fascinating and very kind. I’d love to hear about your restaurant. If you ever change your mind, drop me a line at diyarttherapy@gmail.com . Otherwise, I hope you come back to the blog. Agreeing AND disagreeing comments are welcome. I’m trying to be a good person, but often fall short. Thanks for saying hi 💜