If you’ve been here a while or you know me in person, you know I have pretty severe Bipolar 1 Disorder. For this reason, C and I gave up on the dream of a bigger family. We had our daughter and I almost did not survive, and the Bipolar Disorder got worse after pregnancy, and 12 years later, I’m still broken. I went from Bipolar 2 to Bipolar 1. For safety, and to avoid having children I can’t care for, we decided to be one and done. The decision was made with a heavy heart, but it was necessary.
Catholicism teaches that all contraception is wrong if that’s the purpose it’s used for. Abstinence and Natural Family Planning are the only permissable ways to prevent pregnancy. Natural Family Planning fails a lot abd it requires you to sexually deny your husband. Now I have spoken to a priest about my situation. He was very kind and said God has mercy and understands my predicament. Furthermore, my husband is Protestant, and they have no issue with contraception, so I can not prevent my husband from using them if he wishes. That will not be counted against me as sin. He was so kind, I cried. I gave up thinking of Catholicism years ago in large part because I was afraid of the contraception issue. But more and more, sola fide wasn’t backed up in sola scriptura, and my heart tells me I need to investigate that. Protestantism seems to contradict itself there.
But the Catholic Church has been on my heart. I’ve always loved rosaries, even though I could not pray the rosary. Chapel veils. The Real Presence in the Eucharist is important to me. Then I reunited with my family (parents and sister) last winter and my dad, my Southern Baptist minister’s son dad, shocked me when he said he was investigating the Catholic Church and joining the OCIA class this fall. That gave me an additional push. I always figured if I became Catholic my father would be upset. He has always been a staunch Southern Baptist. But now he’s thinking about it too, and it’s fun that we are going through OCIA at the same time. We discuss things we are learning and swap book recs. We are still trying to read both Protestant arguments and Catholic arguments. This is,after all, our souls at stake. We each want to be sure before we commit.
The priest who was kind to me leads another church, though, and I wouldn’t be making my first confession to him. I would be making it to Father C. I hope Father C will be kind. Since one priest has told me it’s ok, I might not mention contraception in my confession unless asked. Surely the word of one priest is enough when they can forgive sins. But I don’t want to be dishonest in Confession. Confession scares me. It honestly sounds about as comfortable as getting dental work done and way more humiliating. But I want to make a thorough, honest confession. With my memory issues, I hope that’s even possible.
This decision is making me do soul searching and confront questions. If that priest who was kind is right, I’ll be ok. If not, my confession won’t be accurate and complete. But the issue of whether to be Catholic or Protestant goes way beyond the issue of contraception. I have a lot to think about! It’s just that that issue scares me.
Life at Home 