I spent too much time laying down this morning. Mentally I am not great. But I have since gotten back up. I’ve been cleaning baseboards. To do it, I’ve been using my orange duster. Honestly the constant bending makes me sore. I want a longer duster that I can stay up right with when I clean baseboards. I used to use q tips! Being down on my knees that long really hurt!
I don’t have any laundry to do, the kitchen is already clean, and I cleaned the bathrooms yesterday. Cooking is unnecessary because my mother in law made a huge casserole when my inlaws visited this past weekend. So once I have finish these, I will have a little dusting to do. Beyond that, I am taking it easy. I had so much mania and hypomania in January, but so far February has been depressing. I don’t have much energy. Motivation is hard to come by when I’m like this. Earlier I was mopping while listening to a science podcast I like. That gave me a little motivation. I also enjoy listening to homemaking and Christian videos while I work. These things help, but there are no solutions.
Depression makes me feel empty. I have such an amazing life that I am so grateful to God for, but it’s hard to enjoy it like this. I certainly am not making the most of my time, and I hate wasting time. Bipolar Disorder is an invisible illness, and when people cannot see that you are not well, they sometimes don’t accept or notice the fact. I do have some physical impairment as well because of an ankle surgery that went wrong. It’s hard for me to get up and down the stairs, and sometimes it hurts to walk around and do things. But so much of what troubles me is a brain that is hurting. People understand the ankle problem and are happy to do things like let me use a wheelchair at big places. But when your brain doesn’t work, they tell you to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and carry on. A lot of times I do, but some days I just can’t. My brain is not less damaged than my ankle. I would say it’s worse.
So now I’m going to do school pickup and rest.
Life at Home 