So I don’t have TikTok, but I love seeing the stay at home girlfriend videos. Some of them accurately reflect my life as a stay at home wife. I’m a stay at home mom in the summer and on school breaks, but the rest of the time I’m a stay at home wife. My day consists of self care, cleaning, trying to do nice things for my husband, and pursuing hobbies I’m passionate about.
Stay at home girlfriends have faced a lot of backlash, just as stay at home wives do. Most of it, if not all, is rooted in jealousy. Women who are angry their husbands can’t or won’t provide, and who have to spend the day grinding away because of that, are enraged when they see other women living the good life. It’s an attitude of, “If I have to be miserable, so should you.”
They say this lifestyle is a threat to feminism, and truthfully they’re right. As more women have the opportunity to opt out of the work force, more are choosing to do so. Since many men prefer traditional women who will prioritize them for long term relationships, feminism only works for straight women as long as every woman is addicted to her 9 to 5. As long as every woman would rather serve her boss coffee than serve her husband coffee, they have nothing to worry about. Men don’t have options.
This stay at home lifestyle gives women time to pursue things they love while taking care of the men who love them. It’s a win win for both genders, but it is decidedly not a win for the Betty Friedans and Gloria Steinems of the world. If men have options, very few will pick them.
Some argue that these women feel unfulfilled. But having been a stay at home wife when I first got married, and then again after my daughter went to school, I can tell you that the life is fulfilling as you make it. I literally get to do what I want all day. It’s a tremendous privilege. I don’t waste it staring at the tv, unless of course I’m not feeling well. Then I’m extra grateful that my husband affords me the opportunity to be at home unwinding. But I read great books. I go to the beach. I write poems. My writing gives me a tremendous sense of fulfillment. And between my writing and all my hobbies I am never bored.
One of the stay at home girlfriends on tiktok wrote in her journal (journaling is something I’m into as well) about being dissatisfied with her looks and wanting more stimulation. But everyone feels uncomfortable with how they look sometimes. And the one hard thing being at home is that it can be hard to find others with a similar schedule, though I think that’s changing as more women stay home. But I don’t think women who spend all day at a boss’s beck and call or pushing paperwork are any more fulfilled, and I suspect many of them are a good bit less fulfilled. I do what I enjoy doing all day. How many working women can say the same? A few, but not most.
According to feminism, busting your ass for shareholders from 6 am to 9 pm is the girl boss dream, but massaging your husband’s shoulders and serving him drinks is slavery. I don’t see the logic. It seems to be rooted in a disdain for men more than anything. It’s not about money because A: my husband’s money is also mine and B: millions of women work at low wage, unskilled, dead end jobs that feminists still think are preferable to serving a man.
I applaud the stay at home girlfriends, although I personally would hesitate to give up a job without marital commitment. But if it’s what works for them, more power to them. Feminists claim they want women to have choices, and this is what these women choose. But then those of us who are awake know that feminism is about the destruction of gender roles/identity, and dismantling the family. So no decision that brings a woman out of the workforce and to her man’s side will ever be okay with them.
Life at Home 